August 7, 2025

My four-month-old has the attention span of a goldfish and the dexterity of a fish who just grew arms and legs but hasn’t read the manual yet.

He wants to be awake more. He wants to explore. He also wants to cry about literally everything within two minutes of starting it.

We’re currently attempting to follow Suzy Giordano’s 12 Hours Sleep by 12 Weeks Old, which sounds adorable and optimistic when you say it out loud. Our actual daily routine? Less “sleep success” and more “emotional rollercoaster operated by a tiny, confused gremlin.”

7:00 AM — Wake & Eat

Latch like he’s just crossed a desert without water, lips cracking, whispering, “Mother, I nearly perished.”

7:30 AM — Variety Hour

• Lay on back
• Lay on tummy
• Lay on mommy
• Yell for daddy
• Attempt to read a book (cry)
• Attempt to play with a toy (cry)
• Diaper change
• Mom guesses “Maybe you’re tired” and starts mini nap routine

9:00 AM — Nap #1

Sleep like an angel

10:25 AM — Angry Play

Look at toys for five seconds, get mad because hands don’t work yet

11:00 AM — Meal #2

A peaceful, dare I say pleasant nursing session. The calm before the storm.

11:30 AM — Play Attempt

• Lay on tummy
• Lay on back
• Diaper change
• Look unimpressed

12:00 PM — Stroller Diplomacy

Start drifting off during a walk

12:30 PM — Betrayal

Transferred to crib, wake up furious that Mom and Dad dare put me down

1:15 PM — Nap #2

Finally surrender to exhaustion. Note: This surrender is never graceful.

3:00 PM — Meal #3

Brief moment of joy

3:30 PM — Playtime Meltdown Tour

• This toy sucks
• I don’t want to sit up
• Why are you laying me down?
• I don’t want tummy time
• Don’t hold me like that
• Fine, I’ll pull your hair
• Nope, hate TV
• Nope, hate high chair
• Oh look, blowout diaper—up the back, because of course
• Outside? How dare you

6:30 PM — Bliss at Last

• Bath time
• Splashing
• Kicking
• Eating hands
• All is forgiven

6:50 PM — Bedtime Prep

• Fresh diaper
• Pajamas
• Lotion
• Snuggles

7:00 PM — Meal #4

Last feed before bed

7:15 PM — Bedtime

Lights out. Parents high-five quietly in the hallway

Overnight

Sometimes wake at 11. Sometimes at 3. Always up at 7.
12 hours straight? Not yet. But we live in hope.

We are living in the moments—sometimes crying together out of sheer frustration at the lack of communication. Parenting a baby often feels like living in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language, fumbling through with gestures and guesses.

But then morning comes, and we smile at each other like we’re starting fresh.

It’s not perfect. It’s definitely not always pretty.
But it’s ours.